the loser who will never learn.

Assalamualaikum..

Hye people. Finally, the test week was over. I started to have a room for myself. More or less. Busy with fyp but still interested of doing something else instead of fyp. Haih. :/ anyway, that's not a reason for me for updating my blog. Well, it can be predicted kot. I only writing when I have a problem, or something that I need to share. Well who cares.? it's mine anyway.

Today, I've realized that I am still the old me back in the high school years. The one who always cry because of others. I thought I've grown stronger but it just my body that has undergo the teenager adult phase. My heart, was always the same like before. The fragile heart. Always crying because of other people and the part that I hated so much, is the part where I cried because of a girl. It may sounds funny, but for me. I am a loser.

With the feeling of a loser, I walked back home. My weak feet told me to stop, take a sit and cry as loud as I can. But my heart feels that, I need to go back. Hug someone, with a warm arms and voice that will make me cry and at the same times make me feel relief. As I walked, I remember those days. When I suffered the same thing, crying over and over again because of the same things. I've asked myself, why did it happened that way.? Am I that kind of bad person who really need to be treated that way.? it is really funny and fun to make people cry.? that you still can have a enjoyable chats and laugh while the people besides you crying.? or that is the way of you treating your friend of whom you claimed to be bestfriend.?

Well, if that's the way it is.. that I will be gladly to step back from the best friend title and rather be alone. it dont really matter because I am always alone. There's only a few of persons who I can always count on them and always be with me for my up and down. I dont need much but I am blessed to have them. Today also was the day that I've realized, maybe the reason I always cry because of other people is that I care so much. Till the things that they hurt me with, can make me cry and torture myself. So maybe I should care less for other people and put less effort for them. So that, I, myself will be happy and be more stronger than before.

Till then, goodnight and cheers. :)

nothing wrong with good deeds and sincerity.

Assalamualaikum..

hye people. Its raining and im so lazy to go to class. well, it just another moment that im so not in the mood, unsatisfied with what I feel and just another moment that I need to express it.

They said im too overly think about other people. Sometimes when I help, I will help them to do something until it will finally troubled me back. That's what they said. They think they know the real me. But now, it think they just don't.

I am that kind of person. I will always think about others before me. Cause of what.? Cause I have that kind of heart. The heart where will always  simpathy for others. Help people where they needed help. Even though sometimes it made me postponed my activities. But I dont really care for that because my heart feel happy and relieved just to see they happy. Im sincere with all the people I help. I never ask for a repay. It made me happy to help people.

But what actually made me sad when some of them judging me and critics me for that. and of course some of the plan didn't really turns out perfectly. Im sorry to the people that I've troubled without any intention to do so. So I guess right should depends more on myself. Do good deeds but always depends on yourself. Well, just to be clear. I never regret for all the things I do for people, but I feel sad for the comments that I received from others. Just remember, every things I did, were all the same. No more or less. Didn't they feel the same way too and how I treated them when they come to me and explain their problems.? How could they simply said words that hurt me just because this time I help other people.?

Well, don't forget that I also have done the same things for you too. Not just once, but everytime when you needed me. So dont think that you have every right to
critic me just because this time it wasn't you that needed help.

Jauh di mata, dekat di hati..

Assalamualaikum..

Hai semua..
Hari terakhir bercuti dari pegang buku, pegi kelas dan sebagainya. Aku dalam perjalanan menuju ke shah alam yang ter'sayang'. Namun, hati terasa berat meninggalkan tempat aku dan sepertinya terasa sesuatu yang tinggal di sini, melaka. Mungkin sebab dah terlalu lena dengan nikmat bercuti. Seronok bila buka mata diri dekat dengan orang orang yang aku sayang. Dapat makan masakan rumah dan boleh berjumpa bila-bila masa. :)

Ahhh, terdetik dalam hati. Bilalah nak habis study. Rasa macam lama. Tak apa, bak kata orang, pejam celik pejam celik sampai juga penghujungnya. Cuma kena harung la dengan sabar. Naik cuti ni mesti test berlambak, assignment tak ingat dunia muka naik jerawat lagi. Hahaha. :D

Tak apa, selagi boleh... Kita enjoy.!!! :p

P/s: untuk insan-insan yg saya sayangi di melaka, nantikan kepulangan saya lagi. InsyaAllah ada rezeki kita berjumpa lagi. Dirimu sentiasa di hati.. XOXO :')

Keep my feet on the ground

Assalamualaikum..

Hye people. It's been a while I left this blog. Rest from writing and posting new entry. Since then, I stopped expressing myself. Shut myself from sharing my thoughts, my emotions, my sadness and all other stuffs. Why.? Hmm well, just to think about it now, I start to question myself too. Why, what happened to me.? Why am I hiding myself behind a 'wall'.? What made me scared to be myself.? And I can't seems to find the answers to all my questions.

I want to be happy. I want to be myself without people that judging me for every action that I do but all that words are all things that I can only say to myself. Im not bad. Im human. I have my own right of what I feel. Im strong. I have every right to live happy. Im a girl who paint her own rainbow and my name is atiqah.

P/s: to every girl who felt alone out there. Remember, you don't need dozen of friends to make you beautiful. You don't need a boyfriend to make you feel appreciated. Certainly, you don't need make up to fake your face. You already beautiful in your own way. Keep a smile on your face, because a smile can heals a heart faster than words. Im trying to do the same thing too. Until then, cheers. :')

confession of a shopaholic

     There was a girl, who used to buy everything she want without a care for having insufficient money. All the things she thought of buying it, whether like it or not, there was no hesitation about money. She was not so wealthy but her father's economic back then was in a best condition for her to ask or buy anything she want. As for money, she was never ran out of money. Even when she called her father in the middle of a night asked for money, she would never had a problem for withdrawal tomorrow morning. 

     As for her expenses, she can spend almost RM200++ for a day just for shopping. She was having her life back then. Even for expensive things, if she asked for it she would have it eventually sooner or later. Things can be unexpected sometimes, and her family was having a financial problem. Not sure where it came from, but her family had to take a big step, big changes that sometimes can't be accepted by themselves. She had to learn how to save her money. From shopaholic to normal girl. No more shopping, entertainments, and eat luxury foods.

    She is going through a difficult time, where once buying things that cost around RM100 can be labelled as cheap for her, became an unaffordable price for her now. RM100 before was lasted only for a night where now, RM100 need to be save for her everyday expenses in a week. Once, she wouldn't missed any SALE in shopping mall but now, she would pass by all the boutiques in the mall even if there is a SALE sign appeared in front of the boutique. She is too scared to look at all the signs, because she knew she can't afford to buy anything. Then, all its left was her anger, sadness and questions of uncertainties. 'why is this happened?' 'why i don't have a money?' 'why it has to be me?' 'why?'. She can't help herself but cry. Of course, people would blaming her for not being grateful with what Allah have given her. 

     But what people don't know is, everyday before she sleep, she prayed to Him for His blessing, for her family's sustenance. She would thanked to Him for what she had today, and prayed to be even more stronger tomorrow for her friends, family and herself. When she talked about it, doesn't mean she's complaining, but she is tired to act she is fine by putting a smile on her face. Sometimes it is hard to pretend we are okay in front of everybody. It is even more harder to find someone who is willing to listen to our story without judging us. I guess my blogger is my only true listener. 

p/s : i think i can be a novel's writer. stay tuned, next episode. hehe :)

Drama.

Assalamualaikum...

haii, lama wa tak post apa-apa kat sini. wa terkandas di tengah peperangan sikit. hahak. sorry malam ni kalau lu orang baca and rasa cara percakapan wa kasar sikit. tapi ini la yang wa rasa sekarang. wa takleh tido ah. apesal ntah. serabut sikit. by the way, ade orang cakap wa tak pernah minta maaf. so malam ni wa nak post la perkataan sorry banyak sikit. sorry okay sorry. hahak

wa nak cakap sikit. maybe orang nampak wa ni lembut, bersopan-santun kalau tak bercakap. maksud wa diam la. bila dorang tengok cara wa gurau wa cakap semua terus judge wa kasar macam lelaki. okayla. wa tak kisah la lu orang cakap wa itu wa ini. kasar la, takde budi bahasa, kalau tinggal tengah malam pon takde orang nak culik, wa ni itam la ape la. hahahaha. okay wa diam, wa boleh gelak lagi.tapi kalau dah cakap mcm tu banyak kali. time gurau je cakap wa mcm tu. engkorang tahu tak sebenarnya wa terasa. wa rasa mcm kena hina taw. ni kalau lu org ada depan dah lama wa pijak sampai lumat au. haaa. wa kasar kasar pun. wa perempuan gak. wa pun ade hati yang lembut. cewahhh gitew. tapi wa pikir tak kisah ah, asal orang yang rapat dengan wa tahu wa mcm mana.

wa jenis cakap ape wa rasa. wa lagi suka bising itu jam dari wa diam. kalau wa diam maksud wa malas amik tahu. kalau tak puas hati cakap depan wa. yang lu orang upate status sana sini macam artis tak laku apehal. wa sabar sabar jugak. tapi lama lama rasa mcm hipokrit. belakang cakap lain bila depan ckp lain. nak kata wa ego. kalau wa ego, wa tak dengar langsung. wa halau je terus. sikit pon wa takde pikir nak bazir masa dekat lu orang. bila wa marah wa bising itu diri wa. wa ckp apa wa rasa. wa akan buat bila wa rasa nak buat. wa minta maaf bila wa betul betul ikhlas. sebab bila wa ikhlas itu waktu wa betul betul bermaksud untuk minta maaf. wa taknak buat apa yang wa tak rasa nak buat. wa tak rasa salah. and wa tak paksa lu orang anggap wa macam dewa. sikit sikit nak minta maaf. lu taknak minta maaf itu lu punya pasal la. dari lu minta maaf sbb terpaksa baik tak payah minta maaf langsung.

macam ada cerita ni. lu marah orang tu n nak suruh orang tu minta maaf dekat lu. pikir apa salah dia dekat lu. lepas tu lu update status dekat fb, twitter cakap pasal orang tu. n sikit pun lu takde contact terus terang dengan orang tu. lepas tu lu bising dekat dia cakap dia tak pernah pon minta maaf dengan lu. wa tak tahu r nak kata apa. firstly lu nak orang tu mengaku salah. yang pandai pegi update status kenapa. otak lu mana. lu nak orang tu minta maaf dengan cara buat orang tu lagi marah. hp skang ni canggih dok. whassap, wechat, talk, viber semua ada. and lu pilih facebook yang dah season gila tu nak suruh orang tu minta maaf dengan lu. ni bukan pikir pakai akal. ni pakai lutut. macam mana lu nak suruh orang yg lu dah buat dia marah minta maaf dengan lu. lu boleh call kot. or mesej try slow talk. mana tahu org tu tunggu lu gak ke. lepas tu boleh cakap orang tu ego. tak pernah minta maaf. lu tak pikir ke kalau orang tu sebenarnya nak cuba jernihkan keadaan. tapi lu buat dia marah lagi. macam mana orang tu nak respect lu kalau lu buat dia macam tu. haihh. wa pon tak tahu.

ape yg wa boleh cakap. hidup ni drama. wa cuba berlakon sama dengan lu orang. selama mana yg wa mampu. tapi apa yang org tak nampak, wa ikhlas. wa tak minta balasan. tapi sedih bila kita usaha macam macam orang masih pertikaikan. dan cuma nampak sudut negatif kita. apa yg wa boleh cakap. ini semua drama. persetankan ini semua.! kill it before it lay eggs. cheers.!